And a “Kentucky Waterfall” it is…
Alright all you self-professed southerners…what am I talking about?
Any ideas? Well, I’ll admit, when I first heard the term, I was at a loss – but once it was explained to me, I knew it was gonna be one of those terms I won’t soon forget…
Need a little help?
Urban Dictionary.com cites Kentucky Waterfall as a “noun that describes a horrible haircut that is characterized by shorter hair on the sides and top, with long flowing(usually unkempt and greasy) hair protruding from the back. Usually sported by those either stuck in the 80’s, drinking Natty Light, or driving a Camaro. Also known as a Mullet, Neck Blanket, or a Dirtbag.”
Wikipedia describes the many other nicknames for this unrelenting hairstyle. They listed names such as:
“Camaro Hair
Hockey Hair
Soccer Hair
The “10-90″
The Achy Breaky Big Mistakey
The Ape Drape
The Batty Boy Bishop
The Tennessee Top Hat
The Business in the Front, and Party in the Back
The Camaro Crash Helmet
The El Camino Headrest
The Wisconsin Waterfall
The Canadian Passport
The Missouri Compromise
The Fridge
The Janie Varner
The Alabama Shag
The Mississippi Mudflap
The Sho-Lo (Short in the front, long in the back)
The North Carolina Neck Warmer
The Droopy Curtains
The Megan McCain
The Tennessee Tail
The Kentucky Waterfall
The Coos Cut (For Coos Bay, Oregon)
and The Nashville Bi-level”
Though many of these names do justice to the “do”, I am partial to the good old Kentucky Waterfall. That being the case, and in order to prep myself for my eventual (good Lord willing) pilgrimage to the bluegrass state itself, I’m calling out the barber dogs on my hair and will begin sporting a Kentucky Waterfall myself…
I’ve already got a head start, but if any of you are brave enough, tough enough, or just plain trashy enough to take me on – we can make this into a mullet marathon and see who can keep “The Nashville Bi-level” going the longest…
Any takers?
Don’t you all speak at once!
(I’ll be posting a photo shortly to verify my trashiness…)
Oh Hank, broseph, I’m not so sure you should do this. Wearing your hair in this format is a quick and painful way to have thousands of women crush you to death because of its hotness. Yes, the hotness will make them all rush to you in an unbearable frenzy causing you to suffocate. Also causing mass jealousy among men who want to be like you, but can’t.
Thou shall not steal…
Thou shall not lie…
Though shall not commit adultery…
…Though shall NOT grow a mullet!
…If you do this, I will never speak to you again. Be warned!
hmmm…being crushed by a frenzy of women or never speaking to Travis Mitchell again…hmmm….
very difficult decision…give me sometime to meditate on it…hehe
i will not introduce myself at New Attitude if you have one.
shallow? perhaps.
or maybe wise…
you will be weighed… and found wanting… or maybe not wanting… posessing… it would be better to have no hair at all… than to posess such a thing…
did you know that God ordained beauty, order, cleanliness… to reflect himself?
don’t mar this image, i beg you.
You all drive a hard bargain. Who knew that hair could have such a powerful influence over people?: causing mass jealousy among men, ending friendships, and missing out on meeting Jen almost seems like too much to bear…
Almost. But I’ve devised a course of action that may help:
I’ll wear a hat around single women, and large groups of jealousy proned men. And I’ll get a clean cut around the middle of May. This should suit all parties involved…
But seriously, I’m kinda getting fond of these curls…lol
Oh yeah, and Jen: there is no ‘perhaps’ about that previous comment…hehe
i’ll take it… get a cut BEFORE New Attitude… because you shouldn’t wear a hat in worship (no, that isn’t a hard and fast rule… it’s a personal preference) so that would be awkward, distracting… o man…
also… boys shouldn’t be fond of their curls.
I’M fond of my curls. A guy can be fond of his girl’s curls. A guy should not state he is fond of his own curls.
Maybe your next Journeymen post should be on masculinity.
Can a guy be fond of another guys curls? Because I saw Hank today, and let me tell you……siiiizzzle sizzle yowza wowza
as a resident of Kentucky, I can confirm the presence of the waterfall in the bluegrass state.
perhaps me saying that I was “fond” of my “curls” was a misnomer…
because I don’t really have curls now, just stringy lengths of hair – kinda like that dude with the sunglasses above…but not nearly that long…lol
and it’s weird, no one I have talked too, apart from my University minister, and the guy that told me what a Kentucky waterfall was, have liked the idea of me getting one. (well, and my dad kinda smiled, but that’s it.) my cultural sensitivity must really be lacking – praise the Lord! what a testimony.
and let it be known: i covet jen’s curls…….in a totally platonic kind of way…lol.
phil, you should join me in my quest to bring ‘freedom’ back to hairstyles everywhere!
i love the word platonic
too bad 1 Peter 3:3 doesn’t address men’s hairstyles…
::sigh::
oh p.s. I’m not sure that’s the “for freedom you have been set free” kind of freedom in Galatians….
I’ll forgive you. Maybe it’s mid-life crisis or something.
identity quest… you know…
I can say with full confidence that when Hank wears his super sexy mullet God is pleased, not because of the mullet, but because He looks down at Hank and sees Christ’s imputed rightesousness upon him. So let the man do his thang, and let me grow in massive envy towards him.
so that justifies innapropriate and distracting behavior, eh? so if a Christian man feels called to dress as a sumo wrestler and hop around D.C. like a tree frog every day after work, it’s justified as appropriate and acceptable because he has God’s favor as one washed in the blood of Christ?
where’s the line, hmmm? what kind of belief system is that? “I can cultivate this absolutely hideously unnatractive and distracting growth on the back of my skull because I’m justified… even if poor old ladies in my church are unable to focus on the preacher because they are too distracted by this unsightly and effeminate formation on my head – so i’m indirectly responsible for their lack of growth in sanctification”
modesty can be defined in many ways you know…
o this is fun.
effeminate? – the burden of proof lies with the accuser.
unsightly and distracting? – eh, perhaps.
many men, can and have, served God with long hair. Take samson for instance. tree frog hopping sumo wrestlers…not so much.
perhaps we assume too much in terms of what is appropriate and what is not. if i’m distracted by the shimmer of lights off of my preacher’s bald head ever Sunday, should I cart him off to Rogain school, or take a step back and ask myself who’s problem it is? or what if he looked like John Wesley (wig and all), would I have grounds to cry foul? Granted, if I had a beehive hairdo that blocked out the Jumbo-tron at the local mega church, then blame could be laid.
but as it as, a case could be made for the mullet being a more acceptable hair cut than many give it credit for. picture it: if you are sitting directly behind a “keeper of the Kentucky Waterfall” your view would have various options. You could look to either side of the head, because it would be shorter than the rest of the do. Or you could look right over the top of the head, for the exact same reasons! it is almost as if the haircut was created for church!
God could indeed be pleased…
Ahhhh Jen and Hank, and we now have the “rub” of the matter. Within Christian Liberty Hank has every right to wear a mullet, but if this oh so delicious hairstyle causes ladies to stumble, then it is Hank’s obligation to wear a more fitting hair cut. There are also many lines of thoughts to consider: 1. There is a great difference between being offended, and taking offense. 2. What about cultural and historical context?
Now I think the real focus should be shifted upon the attitude of Hank’s heart. Why Hank do you feel it is necessary to wear the Mullet, is it out of stubborn proud, or humility?
Another thought and suggestion for Hank. Hank, when you get up every morning and you look at that beautiful waterfall streaming from the back of your head, you get down on your knees pray, and say, “I thank you Father that through Jesus Christ, I trust you enough to wear my hair this way, as so many other Christian men have done in the 80’s and early 90’s, for the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God. Amen” Then make the sign of the Cross remembering Christ’s atonement, be at peace, and go about your business with a renewed heart and mind.
I still think the heart of the issue should be whether this truly serves anyone, yourself, or any purpose, for that matter.
“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.”
So, Hank. Here’s something I like to use when I make big decisions in the way of appearance, purchases, etc.
enjoy.
Evaluating Standards of Behavior
At times Christians may have difficulty evaluating standards, activities, attitudes, relationships, and behavior according to clear biblical guidelines. The following is a list of questions designed from Scripture to help examine what might seem culturally acceptable but could also offend God, others, or a believer’s conscience.
1. Does Scripture specifically prohibit it, or does it violate my conscience? – Rom 14:23
2. Does it bring glory/honor to God? In what way? – 1 Cor 10:31/Col 1:10/Eph 5:8-10
3. Is it helping me grow in godliness? – 1 Tim 4:7
4. Am I controlled by it? – 1 Cor 6:12
5. Am I deceived into thinking I can handle this? – 1 Cor 10:12
6. Is it profitable/edifying/strengthening? – 1 Cor 10:23
7. Is it a stumbling block to me? – 1 Cor 10:12
8. To others? 1 Cor 8:9
9. Does it strengthen others in their faith? – Heb 10:24
10. Does it cause me to think about God more? – Psalm 1/Phil 4:8
11. Do I think God-glorifying thoughts while engaging in this? – Phil 4:8/1 Cor 10:31
12. Does it focus on loving God and others or pleasing self? – Gal 5:13-14/1 Cor 10:24/Matt 22:37-39
13. Who does this draw attention to? – Col 3:17
14. Why am I attracted to this activity/relationship/behavior? – Jer 17:9/Matt 15:19
15. Whose eyes am I doing it for? Whose approval?
16. Have others expressed concerns about this? – Prov 12:1/15:32
17. Have I asked others for their evaluation of this? – Prov 1:5 and 3:7/John 3:20-21
18. What is the overall effect of this on my passion for God? Is it strengthened or diminished?
19. Do I have biblical basis and support for pursuing this? How does scripture affirm it?
20. How does my motive reflect the reflect the presence of godly priorities? – Prov 16:2
“I still think the heart of the issue should be whether this truly serves anyone, yourself, or any purpose, for that matter.”
Jen- my immediate response would be, WHAT HAIRSTYLE DOES TRULY SERVE ANYONE? I fail to see the service that a traditional flat top does to anyone, other than leave their head exposed to the elements, or how my grandmother’s perm get’s me served better than her sportin’ a plain old poofy head of gray hair.
Along that same line of thought:
Let’s run the traditional ‘buzz cut’ hairdo past your biblical standards and see how it fairs:
1. Does Scripture specifically prohibit it, or does it violate my conscience? – Nope.
2. Does it bring glory/honor to God? In what way? – Maybe….well, maybe not.
3. Is it helping me grow in godliness? – Cleanliness is next to Godliness, right?
4. Am I controlled by it? – Eh, controlled bi-weekly. Have to keep that baby short, you know?
5. Am I deceived into thinking I can handle this? – Totally deceived. Maybe I should just grow it out like the hippies ::gasp::
6. Is it profitable/edifying/strengthening? – Hard to say. Profitable for my barber, and edifying for those subscribing to the doctrine of Hairology.
7. Is it a stumbling block to me? – Nope. That’s the wonder of the buzz cut, it keeps my hair short!
8. To others? – Unless they are walking on my head, they shouldn’t stumble.
9. Does it strengthen others in their faith? – Nah.
10. Does it cause me to think about God more? – Uhhhhh….
11. Do I think God-glorifying thoughts while engaging in this? – In the actually cutting of the hair, or the wearing of the do? I guess?
12. Does it focus on loving God and others or pleasing self? – I’d get a buzz cut ‘fit-in’ with the crowd I guess. Wouldn’t want anyone judging me for my hair!
13. Who does this draw attention to? – Definitely God. Buzz cut = God. We learned that last week in Sunday School.
14. Why am I attracted to this activity/relationship/behavior? – Cause all the cool kids are doing it.
15. Whose eyes am I doing it for? Whose approval? – Man’s. Well, Woman’s more specifically, but you get the point.
16. Have others expressed concerns about this? – Nope. They all like the buzz cut. Everybody likes the buzz cut!
17. Have I asked others for their evaluation of this? – Yeah. And they were like, “Dude, it’s your hair.”
18. What is the overall effect of this on my passion for God? Is it strengthened or diminished? – Can I phone a friend?
19. Do I have biblical basis and support for pursuing this? How does scripture affirm it? – Dr. G.I. Barber would say YES!
20. How does my motive reflect the reflect the presence of godly priorities? – Well, seeing as my motive is to keep my hair short, it is difficult to determine my priorities with any certainty…
Doesn’t sound to pleasing, by “biblical standards” at least. That could pose problems for barbers everywhere. Soon, they will only be able to give “Tom Cruise” style haircuts in order not to sin against their consciences. We could be faced with a mass exodus of Christian barbers…Oh! the humanity!
spell check.. *too pleasing not *to pleasing
o man – you had me laughing a-LOUD over that.
you win – fine.
but it won’t get you a woman.
it’s interesting, though. not to get serious, but…
I remember when I was asking Dad if I could get a second ear pierce (in both ears) and we discussed it – we used a few of the questions from that list, but we also talked about cultural standards… “who does this identify me with?” “why am I attracted to it?” etc.
I wound up getting them… after I stopped asking.
But – say I had a history with a rebel-punk image (so not me) and then “converted” to more conservative, “modest” (as in not drawing undue attention) attire/image – to go back and get more “piercings” might be unwise. It would identify me with my past… maybe? I dunno.
So when someone wants to dye their hair blue or tattoo their face (what do you think about tattoos?) how do they really evaluate those decisions in light of God’s word? I think partially it depends on the person, too – is it a plea for attention? An “I need to find my identity” thing? I know a guy who owned like, 50-some hats, just cuz he liked being identified with that – he eventually gave them all away (not to make it too serious, but…) because he realized he was finding his identity there, and not in the Cross.
kinda odd, I know. but what do you think about evaluating things like that, that aren’t clearly black and white decisions, by biblical standards?
p.s. long hair on guys is not something I find particularly endearing, (bleagh) but I have a cousin who is extremely big and buff and sports hair that is chin length and very straight and dark – it’s okay – MOSTLY because HE washes it. The stringy, greasy long hair look… major turn off. Gross.
Catechismatic – Thanks for the support.
Trav – Thanks for the silence.
Phil – Thanks for the spotting across state lines.
Jen- Thanks for the surrender.
Tattoos? You won’t find one on me anytime soon. And I’d try my best to get someone else to forgo the needle – via ‘biblical standards’ of course…hehe
I think that is cool what your Dad did about the earring thing. I had the exact same convo with a girlfriend a few years ago – so I know where you are coming from.
In matters of “seemingly” gray areas in the Christian life, I’ve been encouraged by Phil to always turn to Romans 14. I think you and I would both agree, that the closer you evaluate a situation through the lens of a Biblical perspective, the less gray, and more black & white it becomes. Either way, we come to the point where we are able to make an informed decision, confident that we are seeking God’s will for the matter.
p.s. – stringy greasy hair reminds me of hippies. and hippies smell. that’s a major turn off too. agh…hippies
::cringes::
You know, last semester I made a terrible attempt at growing my hair out(biggest mistake of my life), and for some reason it put so much cockiness in me it was ridiculous, and I did become very selfish.
Then I made a good mistake and went home one weekend, and my mom was so angry with me that my hair looked that way and she made me cut it, she didn’t walk me through the bible guidelines
she just said it looked like “dung”. After I got my cut, I was so liberated, and I finally realized that pride is a form of bondage, and it is an ugly thing to be enslaved to. You become self elevated, self loving and serving, and you grow distant to the people you should love.
After thought, I have now tried two extremes in my life when it comes to hair: A year ago my hair was completely buzzed, and 3 months ago my hair was completely long. I spike my hair now sort of, but I could careless how it looks after it’s done, and I am no longer in bondage over my hair.
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